RETENTION 8

AVG. RATING: 5 (3 BOATS) RATE WHAT YOU SEE?
RETENTION 8
<<First Latest>>

SPIKEY SAYS:

SPIKE
SPEEDY'S RECIPE, BUT WORSE:
THESE ARE ROUGH INSTRUCTIONS SO YOU GOTTA USE SOME COMMON SENSE HERE. IF YOU'VE NEVER COOKED ANYTHING BEFORE THIS ISN'T REALLY A BEGINNER RECIPE, BUT YOU CAN STILL TRY IT IF YOU GOT THE TIME. READ THE WHOLE THING OVER BEFORE YOU START OR YOU'LL FUCK SOMETHING UP.
SPICE PASTE
- BUNCH'A SHALLOTS (5-8)
- FEW CLOVES GARLIC (3-4 OR HOWEVER MANY, BASED ON HOW BIG THEY ARE), FEW RED CHILIS (7, OR 3-4 IF YOU'RE LAME)
- BIT OF LEMONGRASS, CAYENNE, GALANGAL ROOT (POWDER'S FINE), MAPO TOFU SAUCE (IF YOU FEEL LIKE), CORIANDER SEEDS...
- GO ROUND YOUR HOUSE, GIVE THINGS A SMELL, ADD 'EM IN IF THEY SMELL RIGHT
- POUR IN A BIT OF WATER RIGHT AT THE END. ENOUGH TO MAKE IT, Y'KNOW, A PASTE.
DUMP ALL THAT IN A BLENDER/FOOD PROCESSOR/CHOP UP REAL FINE. THEN HEAT UP A SMALL PAN WITH SOME OIL AND COOK IT ON MEDIUM HIGH. IT'S DONE WHENEVER YOU FEEL LIKE IT. TASTE IT TO MAKE SURE YOU LIKE IT. TAKE A NICE BIG SPOONFUL AND CRAM IT IN YOUR FACE. I PROMISE NOTHING WILL GO WRONG :)
HOISIN SAUCE
- JUST GET A JAR OF HOISIN SAUCE, I HAVEN'T MADE THIS YET
GRAB A SPOONFUL OF THIS STUFF AND A SPOONFUL OF SPICE PASTE AND STIR THEM INTO A SMALL BOWL OF WATER. THAT'S IT. YOU CAN PUT A CRAP TON OF INGREDIENTS INTO EVERYTHING BUT SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOTTA CHILL OUT.
FRIED TOFU
- FIRM TOFU
- CORNSTARCH
- SOY SAUCE (OPTIONAL, JUST A BIT)
- I FORGET WHAT ELSE. TRY WHAT YOU WANT. CUMIN, PAPRIKA, THYME...STUFF LIKE THAT.
FIRST THING, DRAIN THE WATER OUT OF THE TOFU CONTAINER. THEN PUT THE TOFU BETWEEN SOME PAPER TOWELS TO DRY IT OUT. IT SHOULD BE DRY SO YOU CAN FRY IT PROPERLY. ALSO CUZ WHEN WATER STARTS TO PILE UP IN A PAN OF BOILING OIL YOU GET LOTS OF FUN LITTLE POPS AND BURSTS AND YOUR ARMS GET SPLATTERED WITH HOT OIL. IT'S NOT THAT BAD SO DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT TOO MUCH THOUGH.
WHEN THE TOFU IS DRY YOU CAN CUT IT UP INTO LITTLE CUBES AND (OPTIONAL) PUT 'EM IN A BOWL WITH SOME SOY SAUCE AND ALL THE REST OF THE STUFF EXCEPT THE CORNSTARCH TO SOAK IN THE FLAVOR (TEN MINUTES OR SOMETHING, HOWEVER LONG YOU FEEL LIKE WAITING. MAKE SOME RICE IN THE MEANTIME, OR HEAT UP A PAN OF OIL TO ALMOST BOILING). BUT IT'S FRIED TOFU SO IT'LL TASTE GOOD EVEN IF YOU DON'T BOTHER.
ONCE YOU'RE DONE WITH THAT PART, PUT A BUNCH OF CORNSTARCH IN A PLATE AND COVER THE TOFU PIECES IN IT. THIS HELPS THEM FRY CRISPY. USE CHOPSTICKS, IT'S EASIER THAN A FORK OR WHATEVER.
IF YOU HAVEN'T HEATED UP A PAN OF OIL DO THAT NOW. YOU DON'T NEED A SHIT TON OF OIL. JUST A LAYER THAT'S AROUND HALF THE HEIGHT OF THE TOFU CUBES. IT'S TOO HOT IF IT'S SMOKING OR BOILING. IT'S TOO COLD IF YOU CAN STICK YOUR FINGER IN IT AND IT DOESN'T HURT. (OR YOU'RE AN INDUSTRY PROFESSIONAL.) IT'S HOT ENOUGH IF YOU STICK WOOD CHOPSTICKS IN AND THERE'S LITTLE AIR BUBBLES ON THEM.
THEN YOU PUT THE TOFU IN AND FRY THEM TILL THEY'RE GOLDEN BROWN AND THE OUTSIDE IS HARD AND CRISPY. THEN TAKE THEM OUT AND PUT THEM ON A PLATE WITH A PAPER TOWEL TO SOAK UP THE EXTRA OIL AND KEEP 'EM DRY.
EAT 'EM WITH THE SAUCE AND SOME RICE. AND WHATEVER GREENS YOU FEEL LIKE.
IF YOU GOT QUESTIONS YOU CAN ASK. I'M WRITING THIS LATE AT NIGHT AND THE HALLUCINATIONS ARE CREEPING IN. REMEMBER SPEEDY IS A PRO. I'M JUST SOME GUY. NOTHING ABOUT THIS RECIPE IS "AUTHENTIC" TO ANYWHERE EXCEPT MY FRIDGE. IF YOU GOT RECS I'LL TAKE 'EM. IF YOU ACTUALLY MAKE THIS IT'S NOT MY FAULT. HAVE FUN!

COMMENTS:

Mrremoraman
I love these two!
SPIKE
they're a real couple of cards hahaha
jmluvsbob
This is a nice, lighthearted moment after all the emotions they’ve gone through in this arc.
SPIKE
sorry in advance for the next update :)
jmluvsbob
God damn it. I shouldn't be surprised, but here we are.
mariexlupin
thank you for the recipe :D
SPIKE
hope you like it! one thing I gotta warn you about is if the tofu is really wet there might be water accumulating in the oil pan and then it all splatters hot oil on you and it hurts like a motherfucker. so try to avoid that
Crouching Darby is best Darby.
SPIKE
he's kind of adorable isn't he